helloGoodbye

readingisloved

2010-05-01T19:24:00.002+08:00

yay ! i finally gotten my Gossip girl : limited collector's editions ! and also the 7th book of House of night , Burned ! whee ~!!

this summarize everything :)

2010-04-22T21:30:00.007+08:00

This is to pushing on the splintered walls of the world, trying to break free. This is to 4am phone calls and tears that can't be wiped away by tissues. This is to cancer patient dying in the end, because she wasn't strong enough anymore. This is to red wine and cigarettes on the bathroom floor, to the boy that didn't love her back. This is to valued letters and notes that got lost in the washer, torn into a million little pieces. This is for unwanted help, and most needed attention; to the girls that put up away messages in hopes he'll understand. This is to not only the guys being heartbreakers, but the girls as well. This is to the victims and victimizers; to the people that couldn't help it when they bled. This is to those that had their hearts ripped from their sleeves. This is to believing every lie. This is to being sick to my stomach just thinking about him loving someone else. This is to the pain I hold in every day. This is to the escape I thought I found in him. This is to those who live with a heart that has long since been broken. This is to all the "What if?"s and the wishes that'll never come true. This is to feeling so desperate, but can't help it, because all you want is them back. This is to all the words you never said and to the ones we choke on. This is to holding your breath in that one perfect moment and being terrified that you'll blink and it'll all be gone. This is to when it is all gone and you feel like you have nothing left. This is to realizing that it wasn't your fault. And that they're never coming back. This is to those who never got to say goodbye after saying something harsh before they left. This is to everything you thought once meant something and never did. This is to those who feel better aching than empty. This is to what didn't happen. This is to the tomorrows that are just another thing to get through. This is to how I wish I'd never come that close to loving you. This is to realizing that you are your own (and everyone else's) worst enemy. This is to those who are dying to be alive. This is to knowing a relationship may or may not work out, but taking the leap anyway. This is to sticking your finger down your throat, in hopes that they'll accept you. This is to every tear you've wasted on people who never cared. This is to sitting and waiting for your phone to ring. This is to being ignored and trying to being imperfectly perfect. This is to finding him, and holding on tight. This is to the girl behind that smile. This is to those movies and magazines, the ones that make girls stop eating, stop breathing... stop caring. This is to wanting to speak the most honest words you've ever spoken in your life, not knowing whether they should bring you closer to living or dying. This is for all of us who cry with dry eyes. This is for those who fall in love in their dreams, and wake up only to wish to be sleeping again. This is to not knowing, and this is to not wanting to know. This is to True Love never ignited. This is to prose and poetry and those with tender hearts. This is to those who'll never get it... those who wonder where love starts. This is to that one person who you think is the kindest, sweetest, smartest, and most beautiful person ever. This is to that one person who means everything. This is to losing that one person. This is to loving him, but having to say no to him. This is to having him in your arms again, but knowing it won't last. This is to those nights where you just can't sleep because every word they said to you replays, over and over. This is to those days when you just stay at home, because your heart is too weak to take in laughing. This those nights on the sidewalk where the two of you were the two of you again after so many years of changing. This is to him telling your secrets that no one is supposed to know. This is to the girl that puts on his jacket when she's cold. And this is to the guy that catches her smelling in his scent. This is to letting go just as he starts to hold on. This is to beautiful boys who are just beautiful friends. This is to the ones that sit at home, lonely, hoping to find someone just like them. This is to the people who constantly want to bring you down because you were successful and they couldn't come close. This is to the boys that turned our hearts to glass just to shatter them and use the pieces to cut the wounds a little deeper. This is to all the times I wish I had said no. This is to all the times I knew what he was doing and I ignored it. This is to that tingly butterfly feeling you get when they're around. This is to the night when feelings changed. This is to the broken mirror and the blood on your ankle. This is to the very first kiss. This is to eye contact, avoiding it, keeping it, trying to hide it. This is to feeling emotionless, and watching yourself bleed to know you still feel. This is to the girl that never gives up, this is to the boy that lets her give up. This is for teaching yourself how to care, when it's the last thing you want to do. This is to the ones who still care, reciting promises of forever. This is to the fish that killed off all the others in the tank and now just won't die. This is to being so in love that it fucking scares you. This is to the words never spoken. This is to the fragile ones and the ones that never let them bruise. This is to those who attempt perfect, but know they'll never achieve it. This is to those who fight for the weak and hopeless. This is to those who never give up on their dreams - no matter what. This is to the girls who pretend to be super girl, just to hide their pain. This is to the boys that made them hurt. This is for the children who cry themselves to sleep at night, wishing that their parent's loved them. This is to those who survived and have become stronger, better people. This is to those who love that person more then they'll ever know, and have to live everyday wondering if they really care about you too. ♥

cheers ?

2010-04-14T20:00:00.005+08:00

however teacher thought i contracted some illness from cambodia that explains my loss in weight . lOl ? how cute is that . anyway , i'm glad it's recognized . will keep up the good work !

busy with homeworks , revisions , projects , phase test . urgh !

scribbling away

2010-04-11T13:00:00.005+08:00

been doing work ! feels good to be all organized . =D

schools starts tomorrow and i'm not looking forward to it . been having diarrhoea since the return from cambodia . am i the only one ? =(

rust

2010-04-10T15:04:00.003+08:00

went to lepak with dzul and yan till 3 am last night . boy i miss this dude . & happy legal 18th yan . =)

objective for today and tomorrow :
do WSS homework . pack PCA file . get ready for school .

sharks , my brain can't gear up for work . so tedious ; it's frustrating . =(

brenda = boobs + brains

2010-04-09T13:46:00.005+08:00

many men think that the larger a women's boobs are , the less intelligent she is . the reality is that the larger her boobs are , the less intelligent men become . =D

replay

2010-04-08T22:08:00.006+08:00

so tan like nobody's business . i miss my fair skin . ( cina as i can be ~ ) D=

so i went to visit [ insertnamehere ] today and later brought my dogs for their vaccinations . i'm not in a happy mood no idea why .
sharks , leg still hurts .

story : i lost my balance while trying to be superwomen building the houses ( as most of them claimed ) and stepped on a nail . punctured wound ; yes , the nail went through my 9US$ shoe and all the way into my left foot . it's about 5.5 cm long and 2.5 mm in diameter .

yeah yeah , i brought one back home and measured and showed my mum whom suggested making it into a necklace and hang it around my neck . you know , like those shark attack incident ; memorable . anyway , it's not much of a big deal now but back then the pain was totally shitty . however i get to hold guys hands . let me count . . ( basket ! ) XD

back

2010-04-07T13:44:00.007+08:00

yay . reached singapore !

mum and sis came to fetched me . got back dumped all clothing into washing machine ( best invention ever ! ) showered and slept all the way till the next morning ! =x

can i don't blog ? it's like a freaking 2 weeks' story and those times are indescribable ! ( can view the photos in fb without me reminding , stalkers . ;D )

i miss the boys and my girls ;) . their nonsense and lectures and gossips and jokes and scandals and blasting korean songs in bus and ever so much more ! i love all the photos though i look ugly in some but i don't care !

p/s : to be truthful it kinda sucks to be back . tensions of school works and reality . . tsk tsk .

taking off !

2010-03-24T16:09:00.004+08:00

bed must be comfortable at Cambodia ! lOl . will be back with stories and photos to share . 2 weeks will be gone real soon . i hope so . aww , i'm home-sick already .

p/s : muacks , dragon and snowy . da jie will be home soon . don't wait for me at the door kay . be good boys . =(

run devil run - SNSD ♥

2010-03-21T13:53:00.000+08:00

domin a dead

2010-03-15T19:52:00.004+08:00

did i mention that we learnt the different types of shocks in school ? well this is a creepy one .

p/s : i'm so interested in 1000 ways to die lately !
p/p/s : oh oh !! do check out the episode on "heart on".
here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHjTrepT22E

buzz

2010-03-14T12:07:00.006+08:00

to all my dear friends who asked me out : i appreciate it ! and i apologize for the countless rejects cause i swear i'm really busy with school . please ; i'll contact you all once everything settles . ♥

=3

2010-03-08T14:59:00.004+08:00

best thing about this 4th phase test is that you'll get to handle needles . =D

hazy afternoon

2010-03-07T15:01:00.006+08:00

firemen and nosey people ; reason why ?
a fire broke out . twice .

urgh , talking about HOT weather .

Fire - 2NE1

2010-03-06T21:04:00.003+08:00

bye , st luke's

2010-02-26T18:27:00.005+08:00

sum-ing up :

" too often , we underestimate the power of a touch , a smile , a kind word , a listening ear & a honest compliment , or smallest act of caring , all of which have the potential to turn life around ." - Leo Buscaglia

bai bai

2010-02-21T19:06:00.004+08:00

went to the temple today and shopping at bugis street . =)

fun way to eat potato !

2010-02-20T23:27:00.014+08:00

i made my sister go shop with me at this pasar malam near my place for some barang barang which might comes in handy . . then i saw this uncle selling these cool potatos . moreover , this video was playing and i literally stood there and laugh while waiting for my potato . =D

watch watch :

( http://www.potatotwist.com/ )

percy jackson

2010-02-15T21:31:00.008+08:00

isn't Logan just soo too , too , cute and gorgeous ? ♥.♥

watched midnight movie with my siblings last night . way niceee .
water elements are love . =)

red day ; gong xii fa caii ~ !

2010-02-14T16:52:00.005+08:00

boys and games . .

aww , he set as wallpaper ~

new year's eve lunch

2010-02-13T19:52:00.003+08:00

@ grandma's .

trying to be funny ! =)

my bro and his bandaged hand .

trying out

2010-02-07T11:38:00.007+08:00

i got myself contact lenses . darn cool .

CSSD

2010-02-06T11:50:00.006+08:00

supposed to be on the 02.02.10 .

most angryest working day

2010-01-26T17:22:00.005+08:00

on a day like this , you would be the first person i look for , someone for me to talk to and vent out everything and just cry thoses angry tears .

then i realise , you weren't here anymore . .

teambuilding : Sentosa !

2010-01-24T16:31:00.004+08:00

me and my morning tea . ^^

pete . .

briefing first .

BRENDA =) !

amazing race ! my team Kam-bing ! ( sp? )

where's the 1st destination ?

apparently our GPS was a "sot" one and we realised we were going in circles . .

plan plan . . saw me and my FBT shorts ?! XD

we called jessie for help .

instructions !

game . =)

i had fun today with new friends . suke eh ! ;)

ACM

2010-01-22T19:45:00.004+08:00

Cambodia team building at asian cilvilization museum . .

workey workey

2010-01-17T19:10:00.004+08:00

patient's thought i had nice tattoos but it's just my hourly paras . . =,=

asthma talk

2010-01-16T22:26:00.003+08:00

danial's style : picture of the day !
i would have taken hundreds of photo here if it wasn't for the rest moving on . . =(

remorse

2010-01-09T14:26:00.004+08:00

i haven't been feeling very pretty lately . .

these days , i realized that my complexion aren't as good , i'm getting more dark and that my uniform seems tighter than usual . i've been eating so much unhealthy food now i feel so remorse . i will have self control and i will start today .

TGIF

2010-01-08T22:50:00.006+08:00

thank god it's friday ; means alot if you have a sucky job . D=
and yeesss ! no more bed 14 !

uneasiness

2010-01-07T23:24:00.006+08:00

today my logbook was taken out from my bag by someone . i swear it was . if it's my results you wanna see go ahead , they're good anyway . and i'm sorry if they're better than yours . good luck .

=(

2010-01-06T23:11:00.005+08:00

workey workey !

2010-01-04T17:14:00.011+08:00

1st day of CP . . i didn't sleep the whole night and i brought my dogs down for a walk at 4 am . lOl . then that's with me cutting my nails at mr prata , 6 am . eating with bro . =D

i know we are complete strangers now . we both pretend like we don't care but i can feel the tension as much as you can . i know how to hide my feelings from your piercing glance and no matter what you think , i still miss you .

p/s : & no , i've made a promise and i will not let you affect my feelings again .

bits and pieces

2010-01-01T20:27:00.007+08:00

p/s : i threw everything he gave me . okay , maybe not a few expensive ones . well , i'm making use of the new year as a firm excuse to let him go . .

yet another year wasted .

2009-12-31T01:40:00.012+08:00

i hate new year's resolution cause they always don't go according to plans . but i'm still gonna make one . .

#1 - to do well in my studies ! aim for poly and fucking prove to those who look down on me . well . . at least that's my motivation . .

#2 - spend more time with my dogs . i love them loads .

#3 - save money for godness sake . understand the theory of want and need .

#4 - continue to keep my guard on guys who sweet talk . the best defence against getting hurt is not giving anyone the opportunity . =)

#5 - and seriously lose weight . i know i've been saying these for years but . . ya . . lose weight . =D

#6 - look prettierrr ~! =D

that's all for now . .

* * *

p/s : as i pieced my broken heart back together , i have realized how much my life has changed . i'm no longer the dreamer i once was , nor am i the bitter , damaged girl i was after my heartbreak . slowly , I am regaining the ability to feel again to love , to trust . most importantly , i am learning to respect and love myself again . the pain from my past has made me a stronger person , and that i have found the strength to finally leave the past where it belongs .. in the past . and in some way , i think i recognize that i will never be fully over you , and that part of me will always love you . but most of me understands that this doesn't work , and i need to move on to be happy . i make no apologies for how i choose to repair what you broke .

main thing i like about L4D : the team spirit !

2009-12-30T14:05:00.005+08:00

yesterday and today . bonding sessions i guess ; shopping & eating & chatting && L4D with my siblings ! been so long since we spend time together like this . this game sure bring us together !

L4D still =D

2009-12-28T22:06:00.005+08:00

with ikki ! & izzuddin & my brother . =)

L4D again

2009-12-27T23:38:00.006+08:00

p/s : i just realised today that my brother got chest hair . i was totally taken aback luhs . my dad doesn't have what ! and i thought chinese won't have them ?! i immediately went to check mine lors . phew ! nothing . =D

but still , now i'm worried for myself . FBT ?

compliqué ♥

2009-12-26T18:18:00.010+08:00

haiis . romance romance romance . too much these days .

i'm ready to be the girl i used to be . the one who never cried , never got mad about dumb things . the one girl who will never worry about being in love . of course i'm into the whole single , flirting , he's hott thing but sometimes i miss the whole kissing , hugging and i'm his girlfriend kinda thing too . .

and for some reason , that sets me thinking the whole day . .
maybe , just maybe , i should loosen things up a little . . =(

i see you - leona lewis

2009-12-26T15:31:00.009+08:00

i wanna watch this movie again and again and again . =D

walking through a dream , i see you
my light and darkness breathing hope of new life
now i live through you and you through me , enchanted
i pray in my heart that this dream never ends

i see me through your eyes
breathing new life , flying high
your love shines the way into paradise
so i offer my life as a sacrifice
i live through your love

you teach me how to see all thats beautiful
my senses touch your world i never pictured
now i give my hope to you , i surrender
i pray in my heart that this world never ends

i see me through your eyes
breathing new life , flying high
your love shines the way into paradise
so i offer my life
i offer my love for you

and my heart was never open
and my spirit never free
to the world that you have shown me
but my eyes could not envision
all the colours of love and of life evermore ,
evermore

i see me through your eyes
breathing new life , flying high
your love shines the way into paradise
so I offer my life as a sacrifice
i live through your love
i live through your love

i see you
i see you

my ever 1st christmas celebration

2009-12-25T13:10:00.004+08:00

i dunno what to type lehs . .
azhar was singing : " tight jeans low cut see through " to me . nice one . hahas !

oh , and i must thanks pat for the present . =)

shopping on a x'mas eve

2009-12-24T14:42:00.006+08:00

i finally get to meet up with dearest edd ! i guess it was a year ago since we'd went out ? gosh , i miss him man . we had so much to catch up and seeing him reminds me of the good old secondary school days especially art lessons ! ( yeah , imma an "A" art student . humph . =D )

anyway it started as a random chat in msn when he ask me out to join him buy presents for his church friends tomorrow . so we went shopping and after all that went to macdonalds to do some discussions . . on how to fold an envelop cause he'll be doing a card for everyone .

p/s : not forgetting seeing rishi dear walking pass ( & i'm sorry for making you angry that day . ) .

edd and i then went home and he later on join me under my block and we did wrapping till 5 in the morning ! i just love wrapping presents . really . =)

look at his long fringe ! how stupid i feel about my bangs now . =(

my dreammm bike ! Harley Davidson . omg .

workey workey ~

cat under my block that always meow so pitifully .

notebook that i've gotten for pat tomorrow !

ta-dah . *proud*

i see you ~

2009-12-23T05:08:00.009+08:00

out with the JPA boys ! KFC , arcade & Avatar ♥ !
i laugh so much today sio . these guys are damn funny . =D

typical chinese-boys' game . =D

hahas ! ikky baby wannsueyy ~!

p/s : oh , i just remembered min not from JPA . hahas ! && Su too ! ( min said .) =D

Sungei Buloh !

2009-12-22T23:30:00.024+08:00

yay ! to the wetland reserve ! walk walk see see + picnic ! met at Kranji mrt station and then took a bus there .
now i'll explain our trip with the pictures ! ( very happy cause i got all the pics with me ! ) JOM !

=D

very 1st sign that set us in . . excitement ? ?

so we started walking !

walk walk walk . .

reason why earth is ending in 2012 .

walk . . walk . . i was thinking about crocodile all the way man . .

some insect's home . .

hahas . wind effect . =D

"it's fungi" corrected Azhar . cause i said mushroom . =,=

cross cross . .

me with my utterly messed up hair , naz with a superstar look . ( keke ) , and azhar's hair doesn't seem to move at all . .
ey , i think i really look like china maid . . D=

GROUP PICCC !!

then no long after they spotted a monitor lizard !

there !

you know i've been imagining things luhs . . like like . . this place reminds me of 2 movies . . movie number 1 :

yesss .

you know you know , with the people walking in the water . . gosh . .

cause you look at the waters . .

so scary luhs . .

you won't know what's lurking underneath . . O.O

and movie number 2 ! omg , this one totally . naz keep telling me summore ; " this place surely have crocodile one ." it keeps ringing in my head sia . . and imma like in the movie . . you see , it always starts with a group of teenagers-cum-adults going on a innocent nature walk / camping / or whatever trip . . like us then . . and . . and where it all started ! i can imagine the crocodiles preying at us in the waters while the innocent we were like oh! enjoy looking here and there . . then wait one person missing . . then another . . then one friend spotted something . . AHHHHH ! so scary !

hehee . . but i'm serious ! i was thinking what if . .

ta-dah ! so much of their plans of running heh . omg . . looking at this can make me have nightmares for 2 weeks . . Eeeew . . really scary luhs . . can you believe it i'm in such life treatening situation just now ?! omg . . i can get spasm just typing this . . okay okay . WTF . . FBT . . let's move on . .

so where were we ?

ahh . we went to slack at the visitor centre .

and wait for fils & iffah to join us .

WHO IS THIS GHOST IN BROAD DAY LIGHT ?!
ISN'T SHE SUPPOSED TO EXPLODE AND VANISH INTO THE THIN AIR ?! O.O

rishi's horoscope is cancer . =)

map !

ooo . . this is the only pic whereby i think my bangs looks good . =D

in da nature gallery ~!

cannot make it luhs . . too windy . XD

pretty . >>> then crocodile image sets in ~ *shivers*

saw the monitor lizard ?

nahs ! more . this one i took myself oneee !! i never zoom and i was really closeee !!
*proud* ( cause there's a barrier so not that scary . =x )

really nice hors the scenery . . but the most beautiful one i've seen was . .

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AHAHAHAS !! joking luhs dey ! thought you might be bored looking at too much greens mahs . .
whatever . FBT . continue !

then then we did more walking when the 2 girls joined us . .
look at the sky . . so nice . . then when you look down . .

picnic ! hahas ! like that got food already . .
okay . not funny . see our grumpy faces . .

stayed here for sometime . .

and i had fun flying my umbrella "kite" . =.=

then after food we continue with more sight-seeing .

blah blah blah . . it's all the same so i didin't take anymore pics . .

then before we left . . group pic !!

on our way to crocodile farm but it was lock or close or something . .
and we walk and we walk and we saw this cuteee scarecrow !

of course how could we resist not taking pics with him ?

wheee ~!

my favourite pic of all . cool shit . =p

hahas . it was drizzling luhsss ! well we walked to the bus stop , take bus to interchange and MRT back . despite being very tired i decided to do alittle last minute shopping . when i was about to reach home , dzul text to eat Mr prata . keke . maggie goreng & teh cino ice ! yum yum .

& then extra information , i reached home at around going 12 , i guess . and have been blogging all the way till now . =)

recall . . the happy ever after

2009-12-22T23:30:00.012+08:00

brought my little cousins and brother to watch princess and the frog yesterday . hahas .

( p/s : i miss being a little girl . . and really wish that i could believe in fairytales like how they would do . . prince charming and all . . hmm . . if only childrens know how harsh reality is . . )

and we went to the arcade to spend time while waiting . coupons earned to sweets . . and also a hole in my pocket . . big one . . D=

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and here's bald snowy sleeping . =D

so much for womenhood

2009-12-19T19:21:00.005+08:00

undergoing Dysmenorrhoea ; medical term for painful menstruation .
now don't disturb me while i'm PMS-ing . =x

back & forth

2009-12-18T13:20:00.005+08:00

supposed to go welcome dan and raydn back from the airport however i was late and they all went home already . so rishi and i went back to tampines , buy drinks , chit chat awhile and went back home too . . *ahem*

red cross orientation

2009-12-17T18:28:00.006+08:00

another day back to school . orientation , team building and first aid training . oh , and they provided chicken rice and fruit juice and root beer float ! like totally cool luhs .

Douglas sitting like boss . XD

i'm not slacking alright . i contributed , see .

after everything went home shower.change.makeup then went down to downtown east . to Dzul's friend's chalet . the chicken wings are yummy luhs . && light sticks and dancing ! cool lors .

not his 1st time , fyi .

2009-12-16T17:45:00.005+08:00

bro with his horrible looking leg . basketball lors . and he showed me that when i was eating . like eeew ? and he claimed that i , am so weak & so much for being a nurse . eyy , like as if a nurse won't find ~~shit~~ smelly luhs . humans too okay . zzz .

yesterday

2009-12-15T10:41:00.014+08:00

went to school for the Cambodia meeting thingy . and we helped to pack food into bags that will be distributed to the needies this saturday . it ended early so the whole group of us went to east point to eat long john as brunch . nice chatting with everyone . i think we won't need any teambuilding already lors .

p/s : you know it really pisses me off to blog when the pictures are not with me .

( see the ah beng in green and ah lian in red . =D )

anyway after that went back home , showered , changed , make-uped and rushed down to AMK to meet my dearest people ; Rishi , Flizah , Azhar , Iffah and Annu to eat ! ( ya . . i ate again . . ) then went to slack + card game . .

this&that . cause i got nothing better to do

2009-12-13T16:14:00.010+08:00

aww , sorry snowy , i took so little photo of you . i still love you so .

Dzul intro me teh cino ice . it's nice luhs . .

it's nice when someone lives so near you . can slack slack . =)

school during the holidays = boo .

2009-12-11T17:51:00.007+08:00

i know . bitch ah bitch ah . and you better quit staring . =D
anyway , i'm glad another WSS assessment is over . =/

dee best times are always with them

2009-12-08T14:10:00.004+08:00

birthday celebration at orchard & movies & then shesha (sp ?).
i'm not blogging till i get the pictures from dan . =p

random

2009-11-27T22:32:00.004+08:00

a new frame for myself . =)

azhar's place

2009-11-26T22:05:00.004+08:00

to "study" . ended up hairstyling sessions and computers and dinner . =)

to sembawang

2009-11-21T11:59:00.005+08:00

supporting them in soccer .

big screen

2009-11-19T21:23:00.009+08:00

yesterday school was dismissed early and i don't want to stay at home . so i'm glad i got rishi , flizah , azhar , nazirah and wira to accompany me to watch movie at cineleisure .

2012 ! best ! ( but i still think the day after tomorrow is better . )
we had burger king and gosh! , the guy with the hood ! *drools* lOl .

& i'm happy . =)

~

2009-11-17T22:20:00.002+08:00

here comes the rain ,
falling from the stars .

& drenched in my pain again .

starstruck !

2009-11-17T21:46:00.015+08:00

nice legs , daisy dukes , makes a man go [whistle]
thats the way they all come through like [whistle whistle]
low-cut , see-through shirts that make you [whistles]
thats the way she come through like [whistles]

chorus :

cause i just set them up , just set them up , just set them up to knock them down
cause i just set them up , just set them up , just set them up to knock them down

i think i should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints out ,
now , L-O-V-E's just another word i never learned to pronounce , how
do i say i'm sorry cause the word is never gonna come out , now
L-O-V-E's just another word I never learned to pronounce

tight jeans , double D's makin' me go [whistles]
all the people on the street know [whistles whistles]
iced-out , lit-up make the kids go [whistles]
all the people on the street know [whistle whistle]

// repeat chorus //

you know that type of sh!t just don't work on me [whistles]
whistling then trying to flirt with me [whistles]
don't take it personally [whistles]
cause we were never in love [whistles whistles]

it dosen't really matter , who you say you are [whistles]
sing it out the windows , of your car [whistles]
find another girl across the bar [whistles]
cause L-O-V-E's not what this was [whistles whistles]

i think i should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints out ,
now , L-O-V-E's just another word i never learned to pronounce , how
do i say i'm sorry cause the word is never gonna come out , now
L-O-V-E's just another word I never learned to pronounce

everybody will be looking at katy only lors . she's like freaking hot luhs !

='(

2009-11-15T14:47:00.003+08:00

it's ridiculous . it's been months and for some reason i still can't get over us . . seeing you still makes my heart skip a beat . times and times again i still feel so fucking alone . i want to be in someone's arms an know that i won't have to face everything alone . where's my boy with the glue gun ? my heart's still broken .

i miss you . i miss us . and i wished i was stronger .
forbidden to remember , terrified to forget ; it was a hard line to walk . - bella

a saturday

2009-11-14T22:15:00.008+08:00

bro and i went to Tmart's lan to play . .

yeah , left4dead . best ! =)

shutup . i'm no noob . =p

slacking at arcade . play !

lOl .

this is yummy . orange m&m ! limited edition summore !

and yes ! i finally found it ! PINK PRINGLES !

then di di and i watch paranormal activity . it's BORING , really .
but i wonder if it's really a true story . . hmm . .

see ya ! =)

=)

2009-11-13T19:21:00.004+08:00

wss friday as usual . =/
it's like everyone's attached now and have their own lives . . =(

i see red everywhere . ^^

2009-11-12T13:54:00.006+08:00

my blood !!! =D

i feel giddy so i went home early to sleep . then i woke up feeling better so sis and me went to catch Coraline .

you know i totally love the other wybie ( short for Wyborne ) . so cute sia !

see ! i love cotton candy too . =)

okay , home .

ghost hunting outing #3 !

2009-11-07T18:14:00.006+08:00

with dan and rishi before meeting the rest . =)

naz's dad drive us around . to alot of places with many many trees . haha . best was the dairy farm nature park . so many memories ! haiis . anyway , one of the best times i ever had !
tsk . pics all with yusri . =(

ghost hunting outing #2 !

2009-11-03T23:49:00.006+08:00

to the malayan railway ( bukit timah railway station ) .

happy meal after . =)

& Azhar ! i'm trying hard not to recall the zip incident alright ! =.=

there ?

2009-11-01T20:51:00.002+08:00

i feel so lost .

there are times when i just feel like i don't belong . =(

stretching out my hand towards the friends around me . because you're all my companions and you'll believe in me once more , so that i can stand up .

a happening halloween !

2009-10-31T13:13:00.008+08:00

after phase test ( which i was so disappointed with myself ) , i went home and changed to meet daddy . then i shopped at Times and bought Tempted ! yes ! anyway , met up with them ♥ and we were on our way to changi .

were slacking around waiting for yusri . snack alittle . thank you azhar for the peanut butter cookie . =) then we walked all the way to OCH . ( yupps . OCH . kinda for our project luhs ) we waited at the bus stop below for rishi .

honestly , i was freaking scared . really really scared . summore with rishi's stories . . like omg , we're standing there and then ! but i like the company of everyone else ! thank god , i didn't feel or see anything ! and thanks , especially to jake , for your hand all along . =) finished and we went back to join the rest at the beach .

hmm . so that's about everything . cool night for halloween huhs ?! oh ya . and our timekeeper yusri was really hardworking lors ! i think the school should have outings like these ; he'll be an A student ! =D and and thank you rishi for sending me back . =)

p/s : summore pics and videos are in yusri camera . will post them up when i get them .

flashbacks

2009-10-24T23:40:00.005+08:00

it hurts to see someone you love ignoring you . it also hurts to see that he doesn't feel your love . and i hope you'll turn up for the better now , when i'm not around .

p/s : time passes . even when it seems impossible . even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise . it passes unevenly . in a strange lurches and draggy lulls . but pass it does , even for me . - new moon . danial , i feel you . you can do it . gambateh .

team building =)

2009-10-23T19:51:00.007+08:00

today i participate alot hors . i got do the cheer and i shout really loud . =D i contribute to the tower alot also !! but no one seems to notice me . . D= anyway , class E oii ~ ! SUP SUP OII !!

2nd in place with our tower ( made of only 15 pieces of paper ! ) + $30 voucher !

happy 21st birthday flizah !

2009-10-21T21:45:00.002+08:00

after school , changed , to airport . popeye . =)

urgh . my eyes are closed .

cause we couldn't seem to find a way for love to stay .

i'm finally 18 !!

2009-10-18T23:45:00.007+08:00

thank you everybody , for making yesterday possible . definitely one of the best times of my life , my best birthday ever . thank you danial , rishi , nazirah , flizah , radyn , azhar , wira , sham , nicholas , roys , wei ming . and the rest out there who'd text me and remembered my birthday . i love the 2 birthday cakes and all of you ! totally . muacks !

// rishi's place //

// roys's place //

i drank so much , and was trying hard to stay awake ! you know , i feel insecure to just pass out like that with the boys around . hahas . =x i reached home at nearly 5 am man ! shhh . mummy didn't know cause she fell asleep on the sofa while waiting for me in the living room . =p

anyway , i'm 18 now . yay .

there she goes again

2009-10-11T22:42:00.011+08:00

sometimes , when you're so sad you don't know what to do , it helps to be angry .

school tomorrow . argh . maybe it'll help seeing the usual people . things just seem so so hopeless now . . why do the people i always trusted turns out unreliable ? where are my friends when i needed them ? none . can you believe it ? none ! i'm doubting my worthiness in this world now . why am i getting so pathetic that i hate myself ! why ?!

fuck this growing-into-adulthood-life . FUCK IT !

='(

2009-10-06T16:13:00.010+08:00

someone made me so painfully aware that i was missing something . maybe i've been hiding too much these days . really , it's like a smack right on my face . . my chest feels so hollow . . so so hollow . tight at the same time it's suffocating me . why remind me ? i was doing so well . . so fine . . and now , i need to figure out how to deal with it , all over again . you're being such a jerk yet i love you still .

i'm shuting myself from this world at least for now . i really need to be alone . there are so much things i have on my mind and i need to sort them out . i'm gonna get so fucking drunk i pass out and forget your face .

blog title goes here :)

2009-10-04T21:58:00.009+08:00

watched movie with QX . i like this show ! rather realistic in the trustworthiness part ; sisters for life . well , HA-HA . then after that met up with the 'N' people : Nic , Nengli and NY . we had dinner at EVSS there and they sent me home . accompanied with frightening cold wind . =)

x x x

yesterday , brought my 2 cousins to watch SHORTS . then went to whitesands , arcade and treat them to happy meal .

nicholas

2009-10-02T01:57:00.005+08:00

i'm sure glad you ask me out to accompany you . it's alright . you were there when i need someone too . friends ! watched accident with you . . eh , but i enjoy the movie lehs . okay , maybe not the ending part . YOU WERE EMOING BACK THERE ?! >=(

this is no time to wallow in negativity and emo-nism . new brain science reveals why staying positive is your best defense against your current problems . Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.

( i googled it . hope it helps . . obviously i added the emo-nism myself . *proud* =D )

me and Vaginitis !

2009-10-01T15:53:00.018+08:00

i just came back from the doctor and have been diagnosed with Vaginitis . WTF ?!

Vaginitis is often associated with an irritation or infection of the vulva . a woman with this condition may have itching or burning and may notice a discharge . in general , these are symptoms of vaginitis :

- irritation and/or itching of the genital area
- inflammation ( irritation , redness , and swelling caused by the presence of extra immune cells ) of the labia majora , labia minora , or perineal area
- discomfort or burning when urinating
- vaginal discharge
- foul vaginal odor
- pain/irritation with sexual intercourse

i only had the 1st 3 symptoms . and it's not because of my improper hygiene okay ! in fact , it's the cause of it ! i recently bought and have been using this :

Vaginitis can also be caused by irritation / allergy too .

irritant vaginitis can be caused by allergies to condoms , spermicides , soaps , perfumes , douches , lubricants and semen . it can also be caused by hot tubs , abrasion , tissue , tampons or topical medications .

p/s : wait wait , i'm just curious arhs , what happens if the wife is allergic to the husband's semen ? so sad arhs . hmm . . okay , anyway back to my story , the doctor says i'm sensitive to this soap and that i should stop using it . .

but it smells so nicceee and it's new and it contains milk that can soften ... ... argh . never mind . it's just so sad i can't use this brand of soap anymore luhs . . i love it . . and now i'm prescribed with this wash that smells horrible and stains my hand and my V yellow ! Eeew ~!

also i've to apply this *take deep breath* anti.inflammatory.anti.bacteria.anti.fungal cream . ahh , in short called Neoderm cream . HAs ! =D

yes yes , for those who are curious and may ask , ya , i spread my legs open for her to examine . embarrassing as it can be , but then , it's normal mahs . and i think the doctor ( is a she by the way ) have seen so many lors . what's more mine is so beautiful . =X ! lOl . joking luhs . and it's not like as if i've not seen vaginas ( /penises ) during attachment . so ; big deal mehs ?

me again .

now i'm wondering , if it's even right for me to post this online . . =/

hari raya class E outing !

2009-10-01T15:21:00.009+08:00

one super long and tired but enjoyable day ! first i must thank Danial for always inviting me along . and Ainni for the baju kurung . also , everybody for making yesterday possible .

oh , i did really crazy thing like using my handphone stripe to tie my hair cause the weather was so hot ! and i did a stupid thing to go salam sham's dad's hand ! *slap forehead* !

i'm lazy to typed into specification luhs . . and and . . i'm not sure when or where . . i'm like just following the crowd . . so , pictures , okay ?

aiyo , how come i'm always caught unknowingly ?! okay okay , dan and rishi : next outing . NEXT OUTING i'll where something else rather than shorts ! XD

HAHAs .

check out my hair ! since when was IT soo long ?!

noticed how i always stick my head out of somewhere ? =/

OMGOMG DAN !! you should know why i hate this photo !

for the first time in my 18 years of life , i took mrt that covers half of singapore . i took the last train home and the last bus and reached home at 1 am and my mummy didn't even ask .

didn't i always wanted this ? how come i'm not liking it at all now ?

finally the meet up !

2009-09-29T00:50:00.009+08:00

also don't really remember when . . ya , finally get to meet up with Qx . .
he's been there as a texting friend and we emo together ! poor poor us .

initially we were at Tmart for a brunch but then i called nic down too . then there was this combo thingy going on and they decided to 'help me' , && this mission thing going on . =,=

and guess what , that earns them the title of being my "guardian angel" , for now .

weird , with Qx's beanie . .

after that nic and i went to watch Gamer .
and i bought myself my very 1st ( i mean 2 ) pairs of heels . =D

to.dee.airport

2009-09-29T00:41:00.002+08:00

i can't remember when , such a late post !

been to airport to break fast with my clinical posting mates . we had popeye . =)

da 2 champions !

up to ?

2009-09-13T12:30:00.007+08:00

i've been ermm , shopping lately . . like really crazily shopping .

i bought myself many things and i feel much happier . and YES , i finally got my Hunted book , soft cover ! i waited soo long for it !

but then the pinch of my money gone . . around $200 plus in like few days ? now i need to save my money again . =(

and also , i don't know why i started to like smiley things . . i hate to admit it but , i guess , yellow colour isn't that bad after all . .

i've watched movie with nicholas too , and dear boy , please cheer up okay ? though i guess i pretty much needed that myself . =,=

attachment has finally ended , happy cause i hate working but , i'm gonna miss the patients and the daily routines . . bed bath ! i can't wait for campus tomorrow , though , i knew what's brewing . . sharks .

and the 3 of us at tampines polyclinic , 1st day .

mask in plastic . o.o

now you know why . thanks to alia for this very l.O.l pic . =D

one last picture before i leave the polyclinc . bye to attachment ! YES !

and i bought the Liese bubble hair colour ! i got the darkest colour they have , dark chocolate . time again to cover my grey hair and also my hair colour is fading and turning so brown . i don't wanna get caught 1st day of school !

look at dragon behind . hahas !

added the colour in already . .

i love to wear gloves . powdered esp . i wasted so many in hospital . =x

the foam started out very liquid-ly but then later it was foamy . and it was like grey ?! O.O

done-ed ! so fun man !

really easy to apply lors . hair dying was never this fun !

i'm basically smiling to myself through out . musthavebeen crazy-ed . =D

still left so many . . now let's wait for 30 minutes !

getting bored . .

cam.whore !

whatever . i know it's ugly . lOl . =/

XD

30 minutes reached !

pour away the excess . .

after i washed my hair . . look how much i've lost . . T__T

well , the colour is even luhs . . however it turned out to be really brown ! shit . now my hair is like more light brownish ! and it can't cover my grey hair ! zzz ! dark chocolate as seen at the box should be dark what ? okay at least somewhat brown ? it's now light brownish !

then now how ? dying it again will spoil my hair totally . X.X

what am i gonna do now ?

.
.
.
.
.

@ geylang pasar baru , i guess ?

2009-09-01T11:36:00.007+08:00

went out with this super big group of malay friends to break fast . .
and imma earliest to reach ! 5 pm ! :D

okay okay , give it to you dan . keke .
he's been like trying to take my picture the whole day . =)

slacking around . .

omg , i soo need a diet .

and this is me and danial . finally i get to go out with him . .
thank you dan , really , for being there . you're one friend i never wanna lose . =)

oh oh ! and then there were police at around 11 plus ? rounded us up and copied all of our IC . . asked for my address and number . house number too ! like what duh ? sorry i'm being like so . . making a mountian out of a mole hole . . but it was like first time happening to me and and ! i was totally shocked man ! baaah . and for me , the only chinese , speak ENGLISH please . multi-racial country man ! zzz . i'm going to complain to my mother ! =x

reached home at 12 plus . aww ~ so tired ! and i realise this nice dude , zul , lived at the same street as me ! no , i'm just really surprised . he said i look familar . blahs ! gtg , still got my nursing care plan homework to do . =(

just hanging

2009-08-29T18:26:00.004+08:00

making up for my MC . working on a saturday , sucks full time .

been clearing my cupboard , making ways for new things that i'm gonna buy with da allowance ! XD a different kind of atmosphere . . just what i need . and placing them* in the box* . . keep them high high and away . hoping i'll get to open and use them again . .

i really need to study . what's become of me ?

getting a life

2009-08-22T20:50:00.001+08:00

movie with ayu and alia again yesterday . the proposal makes me wanna fall in love . . aww . . =(

had a somewhat birthday party at my pace today . . =,=

and today is the day i realise that i should stop being so dead and get a life ! going through these emotional roller coaster . . omg , how long have i wasted myself to . . to . . nothing ?! at least i've acomplished things today . makes me feel all better to be moving on . =)

hajimete kimi to te wo tsunaida ,
mou ichido ano hi ni modoritai no . .

aww ~

2009-08-20T13:11:00.001+08:00

i'm sick with 2 days MC .

if only there is someone here to look after me . nurse needs concerns too ! and today is the start of the chinese 7th month ! scary ~ !

how long more can i pretend to be strong ?

i ♥ koda kumi !

2009-08-20T13:08:00.006+08:00

[ Lick Me ]

everyday alright don't be afraid ~ !

[ 走れ！]

slapped off reality

2009-08-18T22:40:00.016+08:00

someone asked if i knew you .
it was sad cause all i could say was " i used to ."

why does everyone have to keep asking me about it ? and why me only ? give me a break please . . why keep reminding me ?

isn't it obvious i just got ditched and why still ask ?! and then " oh , sorry ," and continue asking how what when who why where . are you all dumb or mentally challenged ?! asking me if i'm okay luhs , then talked into yourself . i didn't even ask . and if i didn't reply you be it facebook or msn or smses , get the hint will ya ? don't freaking hi hiie hello ellox wei yo me like the whole time i'm online ? it's irritating and definately getting on my nerves now . you know a.n.n.o.y.i.n.g ? stop your tricks . just fuck off . i want to cool down with this single life hood for now so please - and stop asking me to date with you stop asking my address stop texting me stop asking me stupid personal questions just to get near me ( and replying with dumb answers "oh , okay . ." then ask another question then " oh , okay . . " again ) . i am not your girlfriend or girlfriend to be . fuck off .

isn't it funny how guys are stupid when they thought they're smart ? " thanks for accepting ." then the " mind intro ?" " you study where ?" it's all fucking there luhs ! or worst still ! they add you and there they go " thanks for adding . you are ? intro please ." suck balls . now i'm really pissed . blame it at your wrong timing . i just broke up ; duh ? it's even less than one month and like - rebound relationship ? fuck off again .

" oh , ultimately your self-esteem is probaly alittle shattered after this break up . i can help you . ." urgh , fuck fuck fucking fuck off ! it's boys like you all that makes me think i'm better off home on a saturday night with all my doors locked up tight .

i thought i was okay . . but today . . i know i am not . my heart sinked . literally sinked when i saw you . all of a sudden i forgot how to breathe . pulled down ; now i need to start all over again . . look, i've been down this road . there and back . at the end theres a dead end sign . we could of turn this round . but we crashed . why ? cause you assured me that everythings gonna be okay . and in the end , everyone turns out to be who they swore they'd never become .

for every girl with a broken heart , there's a boy with a glue gun . where's my jacob when edward leaves ?

finding still . .

2009-08-17T21:52:00.005+08:00

went out with ayu and alia after orentation today .

with dear dear farishah

watched orphan . it's soo disturbing ! but nice still .

look at my terrible fat thigh . . =(

who's the most professional ? the cup !

the sky is pretty right ! look at the shades !

no good =(

2009-08-16T17:23:00.002+08:00

lOl , shaking hands with Mr Ong K.M. . i know i look greedy . . that's a $800 cheque ! XD

oh ya . . i feel so sick today . . coughing , sore throat and dizzy spells . argh . and my homeworks aren't done yet ! bad . . bad . .

happyshouldhavebeen1year7monthsanniversarydear

2009-08-15T18:06:00.005+08:00

ohh , it rained today . >.<

man , i keep feeling so tired lately . . so lazy . . and i'm wasting my precious time ! should be revising ! omg . buck up brenda !

perk up press on perk up press on perk up press on
perk up press on perk up press on perk up press on
perk up press on perk up press on perk up press on

nahs . i'm just saying . . i don't want to work just yet ! let me slack a few more days please . . then i'll chiong , promise !

`gossips with my girls ! love it .

causing awe

2009-08-11T17:55:00.009+08:00

veraciously , i really can't take it anymore .

if i were to appear in the news tomorrow that i committed suicide , what will the response be ?

" oh , i thought she got over it already . so she haven't . must have been tough on her . and it's such a waste . she have a bright future ."

honestly , no one will care . or maybe do , talking about good gossip .

i know , some of you are there , but really , it doesn't help . many times i'll just be alone and everything gets back again . nobody understands . . nobody . . i really tried to move on . i did . then , something you did will hit me so hard back to square one again . it's so difficult for me , yet so easy for you . and you're selfish enough not to even let me get out of this torturing circle .

i hate the way how i'm dying , suffocating , and trying to survive each day while you enjoy your single life so much now and awing ? having friends all there for you when you don't even need to recover from anything ! why ?! it's not like i'm a bimbo girlfriend who makes you hate this relationship so much . and why at this really really lowest point of my life you've to throw this at me ?!

now i need to clear up all the mess you've made and myself ? fuck this love . till now i choose to believe that you're not that heartless . i choose to believe that whom i've fallen in love with , do , at least , still have that very little feelings , having us been through so much . i choose to believe that , my choice of standing by you at your difficult moments few years back was never my mistake . but ?? and remember . i gave up my everything to be there for you . now that you find your " meaning in life " , you fucking ripped my heart off .

i really don't want all this hatred to get the better of me . i hate this . but it keeps coming back to me . . that you're just so cruel . and like what you've taught me , in life , sometimes you'll just have to be unsympathetic in order to triumph . i wish i could save all the tears i've cried for you . i'll drown you in them .

now this keep ringing in my head . to blame myself . i shouldn't have loved you back . but if i were to be able to choose again . right there and then in the mrt where it all started . . i guess i would . beacuse i enjoyed every single moment with you . and i really do love you . but now i wonder . which part of your words were ever real ? it's completely impossible to find a guy who won't ever hurt you . so go for the guy who will make the pain worthwhile . and i think i did .

there's only one reason why a guy dumps you . he doesn't want you anymore . get this right and get this into your head . yes . after all that we've been through , this . and what are you going to do ? yes , be all useless . whine . cry . curse . while he , awing . that you're crying over him . makes him all heroic yeah ? such agony .

i'm waiting for the day you realised what you've gave up on . you'll look back and think " she really did love me ." and once you realise what you had was good , i'll be long gone . you were never a waste of time . you were just the harsh realisation that i should've known better . i miss being a kid ; cause skinned knees are easier to heal than broken hearts .

people think that it is holding on that make you stronger . but sometimes , it's letting go . baby , i'll do anything to keep us from going down , but i can't do it myself . i'm not going to stress over you anymore , it isn't worth it . i tried to work something out but you just ignored it . i'm not trying to say i don't want you beacuse i definitely do . all i'm saying is i'm done chasing after you . a million words would not bring you back . i know , because i've tried . neither a million tears i know i've cried .

after awhile i've learnt the difference between holding a hand and falling in love . i begin to learn that kisses don't always mean something and promises can be broken just as quickly as they are made and sometimes goodbyes really are forever . guess i'll never get to call you mine ever again .

so move on ! he's just a chapter in the past . don't close the book . just turn the page . and here's to teenage romance . and not knowing why it hurts like hell .

thank you darling , for everything you've done to make this relationship possible . i love you . and i forever will . *hugs&kisses*

please , no .

2009-08-10T12:47:00.005+08:00

stop whining like a bitch , brenda .
life still have to move on .

but there is so much i didn't tell them . . so much , i wish i could . . then , they'll know where the real pain comes from . the deepest feelings are shown in silence . . being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever okay . . and my scars are daily reminders of who i used to be , with . . now i had no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life . .

i kept playing the same song over and over because all it reminds me of is you and how special you make me feel . i heard a voice in me , saying , " you only love him because you fear that he just might be the only one that will ever love you ." you didn't break me . no honey , you completely destroyed me . and often , it is the most deserving people who cannot help loving those who destroyed them .

to think i might not see those eyes again . . makes it so hard not to cry . . if only you felt the same . .

i don't miss you .
i miss who i thought you were .

gone

2009-08-09T21:22:00.006+08:00

i feel so broken up and i give up .

i texted him . he was just so mean . . so so different it scares me . . never was he like that . . being with him for 1 year 6 months . . i . . i'm speechless . . he finds me irritating and want me to stop all these . . he wouldn't even want to be my friend . .

i can just die . . i can't stay at home . . i tried finding people to go out with me . . but everyone has their own plans . . i feel so pathetic . . so so unwanted . . such a pain . . bothering everyone . . why kick a big fuss over this ? why make everyone so miserable out with me . . why pull them in ?

i thought there was something . . some big issue that happened . . that cause this sudden change in you . . i see hope in our relationship . . i thought your harshness was for some reason to make me give up . . but i think . . for now . . most probably i should .

but no way can i ever forget you . . forget our happy moments . . i'm going to get so fucking drunk i forget your face . i'll pick up whatever that can make me forget you , temporary . i'll stay at home .

wishing on that i was just a bunch of scribbles . .

when you're still loving what's gone , it's just so hard to move on .
what's more i was left broken hearted . .

where is everybody ?

2009-08-09T21:19:00.000+08:00

see me draw my broken heart ?

numb

2009-08-07T21:55:00.008+08:00

to my own reflection i said " i will be strong ."

but i'm tired of acting all okay . . like i'm fine . . toilet is my best buddy now . . at least , i don't have to pretend . . crying my heart out . . and the tissues will be there . . water to wash up . . and the reflection in the mirror . . will be there to encourage me . . then , clearing up the mess , i'll step outside all smiling again . . i can't take this anymore . .

pretty smiles and make up . been hiding so much these days . . i told myself i could do it too . . but everything that i do , every thoughts that i ran through , reminds me of you . everytime i suffered , i would think of telling you as soon as possible . then , i realise you weren't there for me anymore . . so used to , telling my friends " my boyfriend always says , my boyfriend and i ," you're always teaching me , telling me how harsh the world would be . . reality . . and now ? this hurting truth you thrown at me . . and saying that i can do it ?? you had already grew roots in me . so deep , it hurts so much when you yanked it out . . all sudden . .

numbing the pain for a while only makes it worse when i finally feels it . .

all the best love stories have one thing in common . you have to go against all odds to get there . this is only the very first problem ever in our relationship . and we couldn't even make it through this first test . .

love doesn't walk away darling , people do . and you chose it .

these break up songs make sense again and i wish they really didn't .

unconscious

2009-08-07T21:45:00.009+08:00

i reach home from hospital today . i saw this hamster cage abandoned at the rubbish chute . . i don't know why , i approached it . i pulled the plastic aside to see all the hamsters dead . . i was suddenly so overwhelmed with sadness i started to broke into tears . . i really don't know why . . it was just so sad . . i would have taken them home if . . if they weren't . . dead . .

i think about it when i was showering . . i can't get it off my mind . . it's . . it's just so mean . . so hurtful . . i guess i'm really not ready for the world yet . . really . . i'll just hide under my blanket . . and sob all day . .

then it came to me why . . he used to have hamsters that he couldn't manage and left them at the rubbish chute too . . back then he refused to let me keep them . . he hoped that some one would take and look after them . .

unconsciously , i'm thinking about you too . .
there's just too much of OUR memories . .

sink into extreme weakness

2009-08-06T18:18:00.004+08:00

today for a moment i really thought i was going to collapse .
i miss him so terribly . this is such a tragedy . .

auntie and i went out to have dinner and just talk . . i really dunno . . i wish i could believe in it too . . but . . i'm scared . . i know everyone wants to help . . but the problem is not with me ! haiis . . no more injection of hope please . . i'm dying . . from it . . everytime i tried . . tried to swim above for a gasp of air . . i just keep getting pulled back deeper into the water . .

and nic , tsk . stupid , i broke my diet plan . auntie forced me to eat . she was angry with me . O.O

empty

2009-08-04T16:06:00.002+08:00

today , i went to school . . i know i shouldn't , but my eyes scanned the dark morning . . hoping and in search of . . with still the little flame buring in me , that little hope , that i might see you at one of the corners . . but . . no . . it wants to extinguish but i whispered : no , maybe he might come back . . with a bottle of kerosene . . wait . . there's still hope . .

my heart sinked . i cried my heart out in the bus . people are staring at me . . me in my uniform . . a nurse so weak . . so so weak . . but i couldn't stop . . i couldn't . . it just hurts so much . . i need to take more than half an hour to calm myself down in the toilet . . i . . i . .

i'm so hungry . . but i just can't bring myself to eat . . no appetite . .

working was worse . . i really can't concentrate . . now and then i need to pretend . . that i'm okay . . then going to the washroom . . the moment the door is closed , i burst into tears . . i sat on the floor and just cried . i can't breathe . really can't breathe . . upteem times . . that's work for me today .

and i tried to think positive . . but you're there to tear the wound open again . . why ?

my heart is so heavy . . chest so tight . .
what am i suppose to do ? ? =(

broken up

2009-08-03T16:52:00.006+08:00

i went to school today alone .
i survived the day alone .
i went home , alone .

so i guess it's for real now , i'm on my own . alone .
( still needing to go opposite myself later . . )

now i'm like in the emergency room . . i'm fighting with myself . . i can't hurt you . . even though you've hurt me . at least you should've tried . . we without me . . and where's you're heartbeat ? flat on the EKG . .

having the love of your life break up with you and say : " we can still be friends ." is like your dog dying and your mum saying " you can still keep it ."

i must still thank everyone ,
danial , rishi , farishah , nicholas , ili , ayu , aisyah , faiqah , my sis and bro , miss chng and more more . rest of my nusng friends too for being so understanding today . .

most importantly my mum . can you believe it ? she drove all the way down from work today during my break just to say " jiayou !"

'get over him' yeah okay .
if i could , i would .

how am i suppose to live life now . . it's only the 1st day and i couldn't take it anymore . . i'm struggling , really trying . . i'm trying . .

but i just couldn't breathe . . ='(

T__T

2009-08-02T20:06:00.002+08:00

cutting my brother's hair just now reminds me of how i would cut your hair at the stairs just to save money . and how we would ran upstairs when we heard door opening . talking about good old days . .

i miss you so much right now . .

so true . .

2009-08-02T14:45:00.005+08:00

其实很多男孩子都不知道，
女孩子在冲他们发火后自己转过身却在不断啜泣。

实很多男孩子都不知道，
女孩子从来不会真正去生他们的气，因为她是真的喜欢他在乎他。

其实很多男孩子都不知道，
女孩子只会对自己喜欢的男生唠唠叨叨，也只会对自己喜欢的人耍性子。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，她根本不会来在乎你关心你，怕你做错事情。
你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，她根本不会对你发火不会冲你撒娇让你哄她，在别人面前她都是淑女。
你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，你根本就没有本事让她哭泣，让她即使生气也不会超过2天。

而这一切都只是因为她喜欢你，而这一切都因为你还不够在意她不够懂她。

于是，你们时常争吵，你认为她脾气不好，她认为你不够迁就她。
于是，你们总是冷战，你以为她不喜欢你，她以为你不在乎她。
于是，你们总是莫名其妙的彼此错过，也许擦身而过，本身就是一种悲伤着的无奈与幸福。
　　
要知道，凄美依然是美的一种，并且美的绚丽悲凉而沧桑，那是更加的美。

因为她喜欢你，所以她偶尔冲你发火，时常对你撒娇。
因为她喜欢你，所以她才会生你的气；而又因为喜欢你，她才不会去生气很久。

你可知道，每个女孩子的心都是水晶做的，晶莹剔透，但是很容易就碰伤摔碎。
你可知道，每个女孩子都是不设防的，你那么轻易就闯进她的心，走的时候却只留下伤害。

她从来都不知道，这个世界上根本没有可以让她哭的人，因为真正值得她哭的那个根本舍不得让她哭。

她会很矜持，
她会很骄傲，
她会很冷淡，
她总是嘴里说着你走开，心里却一直叫你留下。

你了解女孩吗?
　　
请你张开你的耳朵，
也请你打开你的心，
去听她心里真正的呼唤，
而不是她嘴里的口是心非。

她会看着你转身，然后她跟着你转身，当侧身而过的时候，
你看不见她的泪，滂沱在脸上心里。

如果你喜欢她，请你多陪她；
如果你喜欢她，请你多宠她；
如果你喜欢她，请你多让她。
如果你喜欢她，请你去听听她内心的声音，那是呐喊——请拥抱她。

在爱情里，总是彼此伤害，彷佛这样才能证明自己爱得激烈爱到轰轰烈烈。

可是，爱情里没有孰对孰错；
爱情里更加没有你比我多我比你少。
你爱她，她爱你，如此就已经足够。

不要试图让彼此的伤害，让彼此更加脆弱悲伤。
你们彼此相爱，你们需要的是温暖是幸福是甜蜜是快乐，不是伤害。

不要用沉默宣战，不要互不相让，更不要什么话都不讲就冷漠离去。
要知道，你离去的时候，你的眼睛起了雾，她的眼角泛着泪光。

越是安静战火就越深，这是冷战也是彼此的伤害——

无论是怎么的复合，那些伤口曾经存在，抹不去。

请跟她一个拥抱，用你的拥抱去化解她心里的悲伤与眼角的泪水。
她喜欢你，她绝对不会拒绝你的拥抱，她只会害怕你的冷漠转身无声安静。　
　　　
请记住，相爱的人不要轻易宣战，因为冷战带来的伤害，超出你的预计。
也请记住，只要你喜欢她，没有什么是你接受不了的，

只要你喜欢她，就喜欢她的一切一切。

那么她所有的小性子所有的坏脾气所有的臭毛病，在你眼里都是撒娇。
也请记住，她喜欢你，她需要的不是你真的转身，她嘴里说着的也不是她的真心话。

她只是想你宠她，想你抱她，哪怕，没有道谦。